Things that annoy me at work

How many of you have seen those incredibly annoying emails that end with “Sent using BlackBerry”? I have, and each time I see that particular phrase I want to hurt myself.

I mean, who in their right mind thinks for one moment that I have one iota of interest in knowing that they sent an email from a glorified fucking telephone? And do they really think I give a shit that they have a BlackBerry? Or a RedBerry, iPhone, iTouch, Motorola Q or other similar device. I really, really, really don’t care that they’ve updated their FaceBook page from their mobile device (That, of course, is really FaceBook’s fault, but going in that direction will just send me into a little death spiral of hatred for that particular web site).

So maybe they’re doing it because they think, ipso facto, having a BlackBerry makes them cool? Oh yeah, have you seen what the average BlackBerry user looks like? They’re not cool. Nope. Not even close. And on that subject, walking the halls at work with a bluetooth headset on one ear, sunglasses on your head and wearing suspenders over a dark blue shirt does not make you cool. A little retarded or fashion-challenged, perhaps, but not cool.

Speaking of the fashion-challenged, why, oh why, do some people feel compelled to drench themselves in so much scent, perfume, or other item of olfactory torture that walking through an area they passed through five minutes ago makes your eyes water, your stomach turn and your knees go weak? And if that’s not bad enough, wander a few more steps down the hallway and you’ll find yourself walking past the stench of the great unwashed. Newsflash, people: even if you think you smell great without deodorant, you don’t. Clean the fuck up and wear some deodorant, goddammit. Especially if you’re planning on going anywhere near other people. It’s just polite.

Then there are those people who think that common sense rules don’t apply to them when entering parking lots. Traffic circles are one-way for a reason. The reason may vary, but going the wrong way around it just because you’re too lazy to drive all the way around is almost always a bad idea. Especially when there’s snow and ice on the road, you can’t see around the circle because there are hundreds of trees in the center of the circle, and there’s a pretty good chance that other people who are actually going the right way around the circle will hit you. My car is nicer, but the more I see people do that, the more likely it is that I’m going to ram them just because I was pissed off one time too many by some cave-dwelling miscreant who doesn’t even know how to drive a car with a standard transmission. Trust me, your insurance will be paying for it, not mine.

But I fear that I’ve wandered astray from my original point: email signatures are there to briefly tell people how to contact the sender. They’re not an excuse to add copious amounts of crap like “Certified Agile Leader”, “Sent via BlackBerry”, “Do you Yahoo?” or “The contents of this transmission are privileged information. If you’re not the intended recipient of this email, please delete it immediately and forget that you ever read it”. The last one, especially, is just plain retarded. If you’re that worried about the message getting into the wrong hands, use your fucking BlackBerry as a phone!

Finally, now that I’ve instructed you all on the proper etiquette for email signatures, go to your email program, phone, mobile device or other such instrument of email distribution, edit your signature, and remove all the extraneous crap from it. You’ll make me much happier, and who doesn’t want to do that?